Smile, You're You

Everyone is so different.  We all have different faces, different voices, fingerprints, eyes, nose, hair...  We all have different tastes in music and style and movies and list goes on.  Yet through all of that it can seem like we all get lost in a sea of faces, so to speak.  Is everyone trying to find that place where they feel accepted?  If so, that's not bad at all.  But in finding that place where you feel accepted are you able to accept yourself?

You know what I like about me?  I like that I'm me.  I like that I have a sense of who I am.  I like that I am able to rest well knowing that at the end of the day I accept me.  It is very nice being comfortable inside my own skin.  Sure, I sometimes feel the need to try and gain the approval of those around me.  But I've learned over my few years that trying so hard to please others just so they like me is a fruitless effort.  I want people to like me because they see me for who I am not because I've impressed them.  Impressing someone is temporary but being real with someone is lasting.  To be fair though, it's not easy being comfortable with yourself.  To reach that place of contentment we have to see the flaws that are inside of us.  We can't just think we're amazing, unflawed people, and then ignore the parts in our life that are not exactly "up to par".  We have to be real with ourselves.  If we can't be real with ourselves how can we be real to others?

The other day, while relaxing at home, one of my friends said a comment about someone's Facebook status he had seen.  He said that it was sad and depressing and he seemed borderline angry that such a status was posted.  That particular status was, "our eyes were warm when we first met, now they're frozen with regret"  Upon hearing this status I was moved with emotions that lead to memories and experiences in my own personal life and immediately I disagreed with my friends' statement.  I thought this status was beautiful.  I thought that it told an amazing story of love and love lost and the impact that it had on the persons life.  The words connected with me on a deeper level and I was able to see them in a different light than my friend.  Once again, "everyone is so different".  What one person can see as sad and depressing another person can see beauty.  And if these two opposing sides were to come together they would naturally clash.  Not because one view is wrong and the other right but because of the people holding those views.  Those individual people have individual experiences that have shaped the way they look at life.  Everyone has a different story.  Everyone has a different set of values, experiences, and beliefs to bring to the table.  We can't expect to just blend perfectly with everyone on every topic in life.  That's not how it works.  Seeing things differently isn't bad though.  It's one of the parts of life that makes everything more enjoyable.  How boring would it be if everyone had the same opinion on everything?  Nothing original or creative can come from that.  Our differences are what makes life interesting.

All of us have certain "themes" that effect everything in our lives.  These themes effect our perspective, our decision making skills, our thoughtlife, I'll even go as far to say that it effects what we eat for breakfast in the morning IF we even eat breakfast in the morning.  Whether we realize it or not every part of our lives is being guided by our own individual internal themes.  I'll give two examples of how a theme works:  I was in my theology class recently and we began to talk about the different themes that people have.  One man raised his hand and said his theme in life and towards his faith was all about Redemption.  He views every situation in life and in the Bible through the lens of Redemption. So, no matter what happens, he might have a mindset that says, "I see the situation before me and I know that it can be changed.  I know that it can be redeemed."  Here is the other example:  Let's imagine a man who had the theme in his life of "Life sucks and then you die".  Very negative, I would think.  This man would go through life with this particular lens in front of his eyes.  He could possibly deny true love, a promotion at work, or even his dreams coming true all because he sees them all as futile, fleeting, useless.  He's just gonna die anyway, right?

Do you see the impact themes have on us?  What are some of the themes that you have?  What kind of lens are you looking through?

With these themes come Core Beliefs and Values, which also play a huge part on how we go through life.  What is it exactly that you believe?  Do you know?  Have you really thought about it?  In one of my earlier posts titled "What I Believe" I posted the statement of faith from my church.  All of the statements there I have thought about while in church, my classes, at home, and I've come to a point where these things shape my life.  I'm not saying you have to believe the same things as I do.  This is not a blog for arguments sake.  But I do challenge you to look inside yourself and find out what you believe and why you believe it.  While you're looking you should probably find out what your Values are as well.  What are the things that you are passionate about?  What are the things in life you have an unwavering conviction on?  One of the values that I hold is Respect.  I believe that respecting a person is one of the highest honors you can give them.  With that, however, I believe disrespecting someone is one of the most disgraceful things you can do to someone.  Why do I have this value?  Because I have learned that in order to receive respect we must give it first.  But I do not respect people in order to gain something from them.  I respect people because they matter, which leads into a Belief that I have:  People matter and everyONE is important.

This is a little challenge to everyone to get a little introspective.  Become an introvert for a day and learn something about yourself.  Actually think about you.  What makes you tick?  What really "grinds your gears" and why?  What is it that you believe and that you value?  We'll never be able to understand other people if we can't even understand ourselves.  I've learned to see the perspective that other people have because I know what perspective I have.  I've done the journey, and still going too, of understanding myself.  I have looked and still looking for new things inside of me to discover.  It's like our mind and hearts are uncharted territories just waiting to be explored!  How could we not go on such an adventure?

Alan Alda, an accomplished American director and screen writer, was quoted saying this "You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself."  

Let go on the journey of understanding.  Let's explore the deepest parts of who we are and discover the treasures inside.

What Drives You?

My dreams used to be what kept me going.  No matter how I was feeling, good or bad, I always held on to my dreams.  They kept me moving forward.  It didn't matter what was wrong with me; bad day, hurt ankle, heartbroken, depressed, I was always waiting for the next day.  One day closer to what I really wanted.  The good days were good, but I knew they would be better.  My highs were high, but somehow not high enough.  I dreamed big.  Well, at least at the time it was big.  Looking back now, how big were those dreams?  What meant the world to me 5 years ago, I shrug off now as trivial.  And once one dream came true, I'd move on to the next, like a kid moving from one present to another under the Christmas tree.  And this worked fine for a while.  I fought through the hard days, enjoyed the good ones, and waited.  I waited somehow knowing that my dreams were coming.  I knew that one day I was going to do everything I had imagined.  But now somethings changed.  I can't even really say what happened exactly.  Reality check, emotional baggage pilling up and leaving me under some sort of depressive stage...  Either way, I'm not sure what drives me right now.  What's my motivation?  What am I dreaming of?
A month ago I was doing alright.  Maybe it all started at that Healing Seminar when I realized I have a lot of ignored hurt that I need to deal with.  It could be reading this book "Emotions Revealed" and me getting more in tune with how I'm actually feeling on the inside.  Honestly, it could be from watching so much HOUSE and somehow connecting with him and how he feels; seeing myself in his character.  No matter what it is, I've started to question a lot of things.  But even after all my questions and angry fits about who knows what, I know that even though my head is in the clouds my feet are on the Rock.  So, that's good.  I have my foundation but now I need to figure everything else out.  Everything else isn't so easy. Everything else isn't simple.

I'm not as simple as I may seem.  No one is.  I hide behind my well practiced smile and throw parades to hide my sin.  (I take that back... My smiles' not that good.)  But who doesn't?  Are we all hiding from something?  I know I am.  I've needed a heart check up for the past 5 years but I chose to ignore the broken parts and hope in that old phrase "time will heal everything".  Man, do I disagree with that one.  I know people, much older than me, who've held on to past hurts for decades and it's killing them.  Time is not only NOT helping it's making things worse.  I've been trying to go at it alone for only a little while now and it's already hurting.  There's a difference between a 15 year old kid who's sad cause a girl made him cry and a 20 year old man who struggles with sadness and depression because he never dealt with the heartache.  The first one is called "life".  The second is a "problem".
Life is hard sometimes.  We've all got it rough in way or another.  If it's not one thing it's something else. But how we handle the situations that happen to us in our daily lives directly determines our future.  We can't ignore the problem.  We can't pretend it'll be okay.  Will it be okay?  You leave the milk out too long on the counter, is it just going to be okay?  You leave a broken arm out of a cast, is that arm going to heal?  No!  Steps need to be taken towards a solution.  No solution isn't a solution.  But how many times do we do that?  How many times have I done that?  I've left the milk out for a long time and now I want a bowl of cereal.  Problem is, the milk is making me sick.  Really sick.  I can't just take the milk out of me and be done with it. No, I have to throw up.  Who likes throwing up?
We can't have a good cry at a church service or in our car or with a group of friends and magically the hurt goes away.  Facing the issue head on, I'm learning, is the only way to overcome.  I don't want my future to messy because I was lazy and didn't deal with my problems.  I don't want my wife to suffer because I go through one of my episodes of depression.  I don't want my kids to suffer because 'daddy didn't smile today'.  God, I need help.

And at the risk of sounding too 'emo' here, let me say that I am okay.  Kind of... I mean, I am dealing with a few things on my plate now.  But mentally, physically, spirituality, emotionally (well, maybe not so much the latter.  Hence, the current blog post) I'm doing fine.  This is just me dealing with it all.  This is me not ignoring what's been sleeping in my heart.  This is me bringing the fire to what's inside of me and letting the impurities arise; shinning light into the darkness.  It's not supposed to happy.  Purifying the heart isn't fun.  But either it happens now or it doesn't happen at all.  I'm done with this.  This will be my bitter-sweet kiss goodbye.  "Bitter" from what it takes to overcome this.  "Sweet" for it being gone.  Would it have been better to never have to go through this?  Well, yeah.  Who wants this?  I'd rather blame any and everything else than have to face it myself.  I can blame friends, blame God, but in the end it all comes back to me.  But I know that this isn't the end.  (Here comes the bit of positive)  No, this isn't the end of the story.  I can and will grow from this.  I will become stronger from it.  This has slowed me down but it won't stop me.  I'm too stubborn to have my 'emotional baggage' have the last word.  If there's one thing I'm holding onto now it's that God really does work all things together for my good.  Cause boy oh boy, I could use some good.

What I Believe

Hey everyone!  This time I wanted to put down something about my faith.  For those of you who don't know my story I'll give you a quick summary of where I've come from.

I was pretty raised up in the church.  My parents were Christians and went to church and I went along with them.  Even at a young age I did enjoy going to church.  Granted, there were some days when I wanted to go back to sleep or just watch Sunday morning cartoons, but overall church was cool with me.  After my family had moved to Arizona we found a church there called Scottsdale First Assembly.  This is the church I grew up in.  I made some really good friends there, many of which I still have to this day.  Before I think I could really call myself a "Christian" I enjoyed going to church, had built relationships there, and had my own cool Bible.  (It was red and I had a cool highlighter pen for it.  I know, pretty legit.)

Though I grew up in church and went to Sunday and everything else, it wasn't until I joined the youth group, called The Refuge, when I began to see the reality of God.  The people there were passionate.  I had never seen anything like it.  In kids church we sang songs and the leaders there tried to get us involved but the Refuge took it all to a new level.  It was there were I made even more friendship that I still have today and that I'm sure will last a lifetime.  These are the friends I grew up with.  We went through life together, the good parts and the bad.

It was at the Refuge where I gave my life to Christ.  But to be honest, I don't really know exactly when.  Growing up in church has kind of blurred the line to when I really accepted Jesus in my life.  But, for the purpose of having some form of a timeline, I mark the time I really became a Christian in January 2006.  I was 15 years old then and had been going through the basic troubles of a teenager; school, Mom & Dad, girls, etc.  It wasn't until my first official heartbreak, where I was at my lowest of lows, that I turned to God.  But even after that life didn't really get easier.  The only difference was that now I had Jesus.  Which is pretty huge.  I don't know what I would have done during that time without Jesus.  Well, yes I do.  I probably would lived in my sorrow and pain and never try to venture out and do anything.  I threw myself into the Refuge and got involved with anything I could.  I was surrounded by people who cared and loved me and wanted the best for my life.  They took me on the journey of knowing God and building a relationship with Him.  I give a lot of credit to my friends and leaders in the Refuge for helping me become the man I am today.

So, I've decided to post the "What We Believe" statement from the Hillsong website below.  What follows is a quick but detailed explanation of what the church believes but also what I believe as well.

We believe that the Bible is God's Word. It is accurate, authoritative and applicable to our everyday lives.

We believe in one eternal God who is the Creator of all things. He exists in three Persons: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. He is totally loving and completely holy.

We believe that sin has separated each of us from God and His purpose for our lives.

We believe that the Lord Jesus Christ as both God and man is the only One who can reconcile us to God. He lived a sinless and exemplary life, died on the cross in our place, and rose again to prove His victory and empower us for life.

We believe that in order to receive forgiveness and the 'new birth' we must repent of our sins, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and submit to His will for our lives.

We believe that in order to live the holy and fruitful lives that God intends for us, we need to be baptised in water and be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit enables us to use spiritual gifts, including speaking in tongues.

We believe in the power and significance of the Church and the necessity of believers to meet regularly together for fellowship, prayer and the 'breaking of bread'.

We believe that God has individually equipped us so that we can successfully achieve His purpose for our lives which is to worship God, fulfil our role in the Church and serve the community in which we live.

We believe that God wants to heal and transform us so that we can live healthy and blessed lives in order to help others more effectively.

We believe that our eternal destination of either Heaven or hell is determined by our response to the Lord Jesus Christ.

We believe that the Lord Jesus Christ is coming back again as He promised.

Heroes and Giants

(Currently listening to Fireflight, Unbreakable)

My 2nd blog entry and I'm already struggling to write.  See?  Writing is something I love yet I have no disciple for.  But I guess that's the point of this.  I'm not being a completely lazy writer though.  Yesterday at work (a very long day at work) I wrote a rap song about my job and then wrote a fiction story about Hollywoods new action hero Johnny Rays!  One day you'll be seeing a movie trailer for that story.  It'll be awesome.

I have tried writing a few entries the past few days but they haven't seemed too interesting.  I had one going for a while about "Choice" and how we deal with past choices/ mistakes and how to avoid this and that... blah blah.  I didn't like it too much after a while.  Even now, I'm not so sure where I'm going with this.  Sure, there's been a lot on my mind this past week but what's important/ interesting enough to be put on paper?  

I remember being a little boy and looking around at the world and it being so big.  Before I was even told about the massive size of our planet and the universe I still felt very small.  Even now when I walk to work and look up at the tall buildings in the city I feel like a spec.  Maybe you've heard the story about Israel before they stepped into the "Promised Land".  Before they crossed the Jordan River they sent spies into the land to... well, spy out the land.  When these spies returned two of them were very optomistic saying that, though there were giants in the land, they could still concur it... No worries.  However, the rest of the men were not as enthused.  They said concerning the giants, "We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them". (Numbers 13:33) And you know what?  I don't blame them.  Sometimes the giants and trials we face in life seem too big for us to handle.  I know, at least for me, my first reaction is to freak out when something huge appears in front of me.  Even if it looks like something I've handled before or something that I know that I can overcome, I still go into "freak out" mode.  And when I get into that mode the last thing I want to hear is another guy telling me in an overly cheery voice "What?  Those giants aren't so big!  We can handle this!".  As positive and encouraging as that is, it's not really helping me with where I'm at.  Even if the giants aren't big and we really can handle this, my confidence is shaken and my faith is looking a bit weak.   I think what I'm trying to get at here is, 'How do we handle the curve balls, the giants in our life?'.  

Now, I'm a pretty lazy guy.  Maybe not in lifestyle then definitely in my thinking.  I want the easy way.  "There is a part of me that always sees the easy way.  If it doesn't hurt then not another word."  (Emery, Churches and Serial Killers).  This song hasn't shaped the way I view life but I think it has opened my eyes to how my thought process has already been working.  I feel like I should be handed everything in life.  I mean, come on, I'm Joshua Reece, son of Reggie and a child of God.  Surely I will have the easygoing life and not have to worry about rent, tuition, broken hearts, and the bad parts of life.  Ha, that is laughable!  Yet that's the way I think and I wouldn't be surprised if others have the same mindset.  So when something big & bad appears in front of me it throws me off course.  

Why do I think like that?  Why do we think like that?  Maybe it has something to do with me growing up an only child.  It was Mom, Dad, and me.  But even then, they didn't just hand things to me whenever and wherever I wanted them.  Sure, I did get things I wanted sometimes but so do many children.  I can still remember plenty of times when I was younger when I didn't get my way and I'd throw a fit and get sent to my room empty handed.  So that can't be it.  Maybe it's me growing up in the States where so much is almost literally handed to you.  From TV shows, internet, to fast food; whatever desire you have it can be fulfilled within seconds.  But that doesn't work too well, either.  There are plenty of places I could have been born into that would have a similar "easy access" to things...  Maybe it's just a lie that I've worked up in my mind to make me feel happy and comfortable.  At some point I must have fooled myself to thinking that I was bigger than I actually am and as a result I'm shaken when the issues of life happen.  

In John 16:33 Jesus is speaking with His disciples and says something that comes to my mind quite often.  "In this world you will have trouble."  Well, I think we all can agree with that.  We've been around long enough to understand that trouble happens all of the time.  Some may be going through tougher parts of life than others, but I think it's safe to say that everyone, in one form or another, has seen the imperfect side to life.  But what Jesus says next somehow keeps me going.  It's these words that somehow connect with me and encourage me right where I'm at.  "In this world you will have trouble.... But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  For me, it's like Jesus is saying that He's been through everything that I'm going through and still He was able to overcome it.  It's encouraging and challenging all at the time.  After reading this I start to think differently.  If Jesus, being fully God but also fully man, could do it then so can I.  Suddenly I don't feel so small anymore.  But it's not me that has built myself up in some self-absorbed way.  I've been shown a different angle, a new perspective on my situation and I know that I can make it through.

I may just be one person in a world of billions.  And I may feel like I'm sometimes lost and forgotten in a sea of faces.  But I know that even though I am just a small spec, I am a part of the grander story.  The story of Humanity.  A story of Heroes and Giants and how those Heroes go about defeating the Giants.  Will we hide in fear?  Or will we Take Heart?        

An Introduction

(Currently listing to Vagabonds album by The Classic Crime)

So, here I am.  This is probably the first real blog I've ever done.  Well, I used to do a blog back in high school but that doesn't count too much.  It was run out of my old youth groups website and I only made an account there to play arcade games online.  So I had a blog, and even wrote in it once or twice, but it wasn't for real.  But now I'm determined to write a blog.  It's no longer a fade that all my friends were doing and I just jump on the bandwagon, so to speak.  This is something I want to do for me.  Writing has always been a very large part of my life and I'm always looking for ways to improve on that skill and blogging seems like a good way to get some consistency going in my life.

Right now I'm living in Sydney, Australia.  I moved here about a year ago (exactly 1 year, 2 months, and 6 days today.)  to attend a bible college, Hillsong International Leadership College.  I'm living in an apartment complex with a few other guys from college.  These guys, along with others that I've lived with here, have become some of my greatest friends here and I'm blessed to do life with them.  All of them have taught me so much that I have applied to my life and I'm now seeing the fruit of the lessons they taught me.
These lessons we all have to learn in life can't be learned in the comfort of Mom and Dads house.  I know that if I hadn't moved here I would not have grown into the person I am now.  And I know that if I gave up now I won't become the man I desire to be.  We all need to take that first step to moving on in life and figuring things out for ourselves.  How would I learn how to budget if I didn't have my own set of bills to pay?  Why would I need to learn how to cook if I had Mom's meals every night? (I do love Mom's cooking though)  These things and more are why I'm very supportive of moving out of the house.  And more than that, moving far away.  I live in Sydney and my parents are in St.Louis, Missouri now.  Safe to say that I'm pretty much on my own out here.  We still keep in touch though and even though we're far away they've helped me far more than they probably realize.  And not just with money either.  Encouragement and support are so valuable to my life.  If I only had one person that believed in me and pushed me forward, that would be enough.  But I know I've got at least two for that!
My Mom is slowly becoming a facebook addict and I get to talk with my Dad a little via email.  But in saying all of this stuff about becoming more independent, I miss my parents quite a bit and I can't wait to see them again later this year.

I wanted to start a blog to help improve my writing skills.  I have dreams of writing stories and songs that will impact the world.  Most of my thought-life is made up of story ideas and possible plot twist, or melodies and lyrics and guitar parts.  I guess I could say that one of things I'm most passionate about is to create.  To create something from nothing.  To build a song off of a single thought or to organize a story around a central theme.  These things keep my mind racing throughout the day.  I want to bring something that hasn't been seen before, and such a task is not an easy one.  There are a lot of good writers out there; songwriters, novelist, you name it.  And I'm going to need a lot more than the desire to write to get better.  It's going to require something from me.  That's how it works sometimes, right?  Equivalent Exchange.  Hmmm, maybe a topic for a blog later on.
But I'm willing to do the work.  I'm willing to travel whatever distance to achieve my dreams.  I'm not just shooting for the moon, I'm aiming for everything.  From the highest of highs, to deep below the ground, I want my voice to be heard.  But even more than that, I want something good to say.

Was that a good introduction?  Seems short... or too long.  Yikes.  I'm still trying to figure out a good rhythm for me in writing and bare with me while I try out different things.  I guess one more thing to talk about is "Who's reading this?"  I still don't understand fully the "blog scene".  Do random people just browse through blogs and read them?  Do people 'follow you' like on Twitter?  Or is this just a glorified personal diary?  Maybe it's a combination of all of these.  Either way, I'm really looking forward to just writing more.  This is refreshing to me.  It's something that I can look forward to doing on the good days and the bad.